“Gaming is F%#king Huge: Over $20 Million in Prize Money, so Therefore it’s a Sport,” Says Local Tee
“It’s time for me to finally stand up and say, ‘I’m a professional athlete,’ because no one can beat me at Super Smash Brothers,” says...
Breaking: Canada Recommends United States to Therapist
"America is going through a tough time right now," Canadian Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, told reporters, "but as her best friend, we...
Letter to the Editor: "The Correct Way to React to Political Attack Ads"
I'm getting tired of people complaining about seeing attack ads on television. I've been working with politicians and political action...
Bill Clinton: ‘All Right, if You Want Trump to Run Against Me, I’ll Put my Name on the Ballot’
“I was confused at first because I thought my wife was the one running,” the President told reporters, “But now it all makes sense: the...
As Trump Supporters’ ‘#RepealThe19th’ Movement Takes Hold, Charles Manson Supporters Start ‘#RepealT
#RepealTheEntireConstitution say those who want to see convicted serial killer, Charles Manson, in the White House. “If we can work to...
Man Proposes New “Game-Changing Theory of Time Travel” on how Obama is Responsible for 9/11
“What do you think they’re hiding in Area 51?” asks Don Courtney, 56, of Medfield, Massachusetts. “It’ll tell you what: it’s a time...
Breaking: Emperor Palpatine Endorses Trump
The Emperor of the Galactic Empire, Sheev Palpatine, sent an ambassador from the galaxy far, far away yesterday to deliver news of his...
Massachusetts Man ‘Starting to Lose Trust in People’ after Act of Kindness Results in Him Losing his
“I’m really starting to lose trust in people,” says Matt Palmer, 33, of Hyannis, “You’d think signing over the deed to my house,...
Breaking: Anti-Pornography Advocate’s Head Erupts in Violent Explosion after Meeting Adult Model and
“It was an ugly scene,” a witness told reporters. “Olivia came in, introduced herself as a model, and struck up a conversation about the...
Mitch McConnell: Now Officially Time to Stop Caring About Bathroom Laws and Transgender Issues
“Its fifteen minutes of fame is up,” Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, told reporters, “And you know how the news cycle goes: we...
