Mitch McConnell: Now Officially Time to Stop Caring About Bathroom Laws and Transgender Issues
“Its fifteen minutes of fame is up,” Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, told reporters, “And you know how the news cycle goes: we care for fifteen minutes, and then we don’t and things go back to normal.”
Senator McConnell seems to be relieved that transgender rights and issues are no longer at the front of the public’s mind.
“For a second, I thought it might be a permanent issue of importance,” McConnell told reporters, “But thankfully, it wasn’t. No one cares anymore, and now we can go back to debating whether or not Muslims have the right to be in this country, and working on decriminalizing the possession of military-grade explosives by civilians.”
McConnell voiced his fear that if too many Americans cared about transgender rights, then the government would actually have to seriously discuss considering them people.
“And no one in the legislative branch of the government wants to do that,” McConnell told reporters, “Democrat or Republican.”
When asked to elaborate on this comment, McConnell was happy to oblige. He said, “There are a few demographics of people that we just don’t want to ever acknowledge as existing because it makes us all uncomfortable to do so. So we never mention them ever unless we’re forced to, and as a result, the general public doesn’t really realize that they’re human beings.”
When asked to name these specific demographics, McConnell shrugged and replied, “Transgender people, Sex Workers, Intersex people, and people with psychological disorders. Talking about them makes us all uncomfortable, so we don’t. I was worried that we might have to have a serious conversation about transgender people, but thankfully we didn’t. Oh well, at least it wasn’t about sex workers. If the day ever comes when we have to have an intelligent conversation about their status as human beings, I don’t know if I could do it.”
So with transgender rights and issues in the rear view mirror of the news cycle and public interest, one can only wonder what great debate might stir up Americans next.
