BREAKING: “It Don’t Matter, ‘Cause Trump’s President Now,” is the new, “YOLO.”
“It don’t matter, bro,” 37-year-old Richie Jones told reporters as he proceeded to rob a parking meter. “Trump’s president now, so all these quarters are mine.”
We have all heard of all the horrible hate crimes across the United States resulting from the twisted belief that Trump’s victory suddenly decriminalizes violence against minorities. But the untold story of Trump’s victory is the other things uninformed people believe it means.
Richie Jones is simply one example of this. The phenomenon is reminiscent of when the term, “YOLO,” first gained popularity. Unsurprisingly, like most fads, YOLO died pretty quickly, and it seems as if, “It don’t matter ‘cause Trump’s President now,” has replaced YOLO as a vague justification for being reckless and often criminal.
42-year-old Walt Daniels is another example. “I been clean n’ sober for seventeen years now,” he told us, as he removed the cap from a 40 oz. bottle of whiskey and began gulping it down. “But it don’t matter no more ‘cause Trump’s president. He’s gonna change everything. Drain the swamp.”
It should be said that Trump is not President yet. That will not happen until January 20th of next year, and even then, it seems odd that so many people think that Trump’s victory means that they can do things that Trump never indicated he’d decriminalize.
“Well, Trump’s President now, so it don’t matter,” Cletus Benson told us. “It’s gonna be free country again, so I’m back to makin’ and sellin’ moonshine. Them agents from the city shut me down fifteen years ago, and I been outta jail ‘bout four years now, but now that Trump’s president, I’m back in business.”
Cletus showed us his recipe for his secret, “Cletus Lightning.” It appears to be corn, as one would expect to find in a whiskey recipe, but there also appears to be a little bit of rust and dirt from the corroded and rusting equipment he’s using.
All in all, it will be curious to see if Trump’s victory really does change all the things people think it will.
