WALL STREET: In Wake of Election, Self-Righteousness Index Hits All-Time High
The Self-Righteousness Index closed up 15% again on Friday, its third consecutive day with a historic gain.
“Traders are thrilled,” an analyst told reporters. “In just three days, shares of Self-Righteousness have nearly doubled in value.”
The election on Tuesday gave the index the best possible outcome, as the Electoral College elected Donald Trump, but the popular vote elected Hillary Clinton, resulting in both sides believing they’re just infallibly better people than everyone else.
“What’s remarkable about this is that the people seem to have a fundamental lack of understanding of exactly how legislation is passed in Washington,” an analyst told reporters. “It won’t be easy at all for the Republicans, because they just barely have a Senate majority now, and the Democrats are sure to filibuster everything. But that’s good. A lack of education about the legislative process is great for self-righteousness.”
One analyst reports that simply purchasing 100 shares of Self-Righteousness (SLFRI) on Monday, would have resulted in a gain of $5,074 by Friday, which is historic for the index.
“Just go on social media,” says longtime Wall Street trader, Matthew Counsel. “Your timeline is sure to be filled with posts about the election results and the future of the country, and several dozen comments from former friends that begin with the words, “Actually,” or, “But you don’t understand,” or, “I don’t remember,” or, “I didn’t know that you were.” It’s truly a great time to be an investor in self-righteousness.”
When asked what could possibly kill the rally for the index, Counsel replied, “Well, if people were to start respecting the opinions on the other side of theirs and try to respectfully have a debate about it instead of insulting each other’s personal character and calling each other hurtful names, then that would be catastrophic for Self-Righteousness. Unity and respect are always bad for the index.”
It will be interesting to see where the index goes from here, but at the moment, the index seems unstoppable.
