BREAKING: No One Cares
No one cares. As first reported by eyewitnesses at the scene, and confirmed by The Daily News Report, no one that was present to perceive...
BREAKING: You the Only One Who Knows the Truth About COVID-19
While the entire world is distracted, YOU have it figured out. Only you (and a select few you confide in) get it. You have the answers....
BREAKING: Local Man Not Drunk - Rest of World is Instead
“I’m not f@#king drunk. You’re all f@#cking drunk,” a barely-coherent James Carter, 34, of Hyannis, Massachusetts, yelled at police...
BREAKING: Suspect in Failed Hyannis Mugging Furious that Victim “Didn’t Fight Fair” in Foiling Muggi
“That Motherf@&ker looked all seriousness and pointed behind me and yelled, “What the hell is that,” when I pulled my knife on him. And...
The Chemtrails are a Government Plot to Put Money in Canada’s Pocket
For decades, the world understood that the contrails in the sky were a product of airlines and other aircraft disrupting the water...
BREAKING: “It Don’t Matter, ‘Cause Trump’s President Now,” is the new, “YOLO.”
“It don’t matter, bro,” 37-year-old Richie Jones told reporters as he proceeded to rob a parking meter. “Trump’s president now, so all...
BREAKING: “The Strange Yellow Tint, Overexposure, and Blurry Image are Intentional,” Says 22-Year-Ol
“It wasn’t a mistake,” says Shawn Poulter, 22, of Bangor, Maine. “It was all intentional. I meant to all it the whole time. A lot of...
WALL STREET: In Wake of Election, Self-Righteousness Index Hits All-Time High
The Self-Righteousness Index closed up 15% again on Friday, its third consecutive day with a historic gain. “Traders are thrilled,” an...
WARNING: There is a New Danger for Trick-or-Treaters: Pure Plutonium
In 2015, the danger was expensive party drugs, but this year, it’s pure Plutonium. Parents beware. The fear of children mistaking...
BREAKING: Clinton Crushed and Exiled, Allowing Trump to Triumphantly Rise to Power
In a triumphant and glorious victory, the Trump Militia crushed the futile Clinton rebels, killing every last one of them, but sparing...
