BREAKING: You the Only One Who Knows the Truth About COVID-19

While the entire world is distracted, YOU have it figured out. Only you (and a select few you confide in) get it. You have the answers. The rest of the world does not. The world is consumed by news of mortality rates, paper product shortages, meat shortages, and being required to wear a mask in public, but YOU have all the answers. You graduated high school, maybe had some college, but decided that the field of science was not for you, and it is precisely this life choice that allows you to be 100% objective in your judgments. You know where the virus really came from and how to stop it, and if the world would only listen to you, you could single-handedly save the world from sure destruction. Your lack of scientific knowledge and lack of experience uniquely qualifies you to be the voice of reason on these very subjects, but no one will listen and you are therefore frustrated.

The President, his cabinet, and his many advisors believe they know what they are doing, but you say otherwise. You are smarter than everyone, not because of your knowledge, but simply because you're you, and you know what's best for everyone and everything in the world.

Your friends at the bar call you a Professor of Life after you've had 5 beers, so you know something about everything, including the global pandemic. You expect a call from the President himself any moment now, but sadly it doesn't come. "If they would just wake up and listen!" you think to yourself. "They know nothing!"

Years down the road, you will look back at what could have been, and how you could have saved them.