Congress: Republicans and Democrats Move to Create Bill Banning Women from Leaving Kitchen or Bedroo
“We think this is for the best,” says House Majority Leader, Kevin McCarthy. “The recent incidents in college sports have shown us that rape is an issue and it needs to be addressed.”
In an unprecedented display of bipartisanship, House Republicans began working with House Democrats to lay the framework for a bill that would ensure women are permanently protected from rape.
“The thinking is that if they can never leave the kitchen or the bedroom,” Congressman McCarthy explained, “Then they can never be raped. This is the only way to make sure they’re safe.”
But, as usual, the bill has sparked outrage among certain advocacy groups, namely several organizations dedicated to women’s rights.
One of the most outspoken women’s rights leaders, Nancy Odorizzi, declares, “They’re missing the f$%king point. This is how society used to think in the Dark Ages.”
But, as usual, no one pays much attention to the opinions of women when discussing women’s rights and issues. Kevin McCarthy assured the public that the House and the Senate both have women’s best interests in mind, and they are creating what they deem to be a, “fair and reasonable bill,” that will drastically decrease the number of cases of rape in the United States.
When asked how he felt about the outrage that news of the bill is causing among women, Congressman McCarthy only shook his head and asked, “What do they want us to do? They’ve been complaining to us for decades now about this issue, so we’re doing something about it, but they’re still not happy. What do they want from us? We’re doing this for them.” And then he shrugged and added, “I guess that’s just women for you though: you can never make them happy for too long. That’s what men are for: to keep them in line.”
The bill is expected to pass unless it is vetoed by President Obama, but most believe the President will be hesitant to veto an unprecedented bipartisan display of concern for women’s issues.
The President is open to the possibility however. He was quoted yesterday as saying, “If the people don’t want the bill to pass, then it won’t, but right now, I think they do.”
Hopefully, if the bill passes, it will drastically reduce the number of reported cases of rape in the United States.
