Learning of Biden-Ordered Drone Strike, Conservative Man Decides He Now Anti-War, Pro-Hippy

In an abrupt turn of events, President Biden ordering a drone strike against a terrorist leader has compelled an ultra-conservative local man to embrace a non-violent, peaceful, and empathetic stance on the issue, adopting the motto, “Make love, not war, man,” while dancing about with an acoustic guitar and a tambourine.

After learning that the United States killed a terrorist leader with a drone strike at the order of President Biden, conservative, Max Lowell, abruptly pivoted to the opinion that he is now very concerned about the well-being of those in other nations who may be collateral damage to these sorts of strikes. Furthermore, Lowell wonders exactly what the terrorist leader did to deserve being needlessly killed long before he could organize a deadly attack against the United States in the first place.

“He was only actively planning on destroying America,” Lowell told the Daily News Report, while strumming basic chords on his acoustic guitar at a bonfire. “He hadn’t even done it yet. I believe in the goodness and the virtue of the human spirit that he would not have ultimately pulled the trigger to try and kill us, and even if he had, what if his explosives and guns had been duds? Every life is worth something, man, no matter how evil. And Biden is a moron and a horrible President!”

This comes as a major development, after Lowell had previously believed that American Lives were far more important than the lives of any other nation, and that any measure to make American safer was a good measure, because it was unwise to give America’s enemies the chance or the benefit of the doubt.

But upon learning that a Democrat had gone and ordered a drone strike to make America safer without endangering any American lives in the process, Max Lowell knew that it could not possibly be a good move, simply because a Democrat had done it. He now understands that American lives are not more important than the lives of any other nation, and we should all make love, not war, man.

The Daily News Report will monitor the situation as it develops.