EXCLUSIVE: Inside Biden’s Diabolical Plot to Obstruct Suez Canal and Raise Gas Prices

It turns out that the Dakota Access Pipeline was never actually working or fully operational, and that the people working on it were actually on temp contracts to begin with. As this embarrassing realization began to hit the oil futures market and began to cause oil prices to sink, it became necessary for Joe Biden to find a new creative way to raise gas prices and make people suffer by paying about $5 more on a tank of gas.

The closure of the Dakota Access Pipeline had no material impact on the supply of or demand for oil in the United States; however it was a perfect catalyst for multi-billionaire hedge fund managers to buy oil futures contracts and make a steady profit off of the wave of buying that resulted from their collective likemindedness.

But as news trades often do, the hedge funds had begun to take their short term profits and oil prices had begun to sink back to normalcy.

For Joe Biden, this was a tragedy. It is his mission in life to make gas prices higher. This is clearly evident by right wing Internet memes. So Joe came up with a new plan, and it was the most diabolical one possible.

It was the perfect crime: jam a large vessel in the Suez Canal with a team of special operatives, thus disrupting trade and giving the hedge funds an even better catalyst to buy oil futures.

His plan unfolded perfectly. As he sat back in the Oval Office cackling maniacally over the incident in the Suez Canal, smelling blood in the water, the hedge funds once more began buying oil futures.

His job was done. Though there is still no material difference in the supply or demand of oil across the globe, gas prices are now higher again because of Biden’s master Suez Canal plan.