BREAKING: Rising Gas Prices Worst Crisis in America Since 9/11

Hide your children. The world is ending: you now have to pay $5 more per 10 gallons of gas.

Gas prices are now a very dramatic 50¢ more expensive than they once were, equating to about $5 more per 10 gallons than before. This minor inconvenience is the greatest crisis in American history since 9-11.

Americans now must tighten their belts and make great sacrifices to pay these outrageous prices that have directly resulted from nothing other than the spoken words and written statements of the President.

There has been no material change in the supply or demand of oil; however, hedge fund managers have used the President’s words as a catalyst to buy oil futures, believing to make a quick buck off of panicking conservatives until the futures market crashed again.

This is a crisis, a tragedy: a threat to the future of the world itself. Hide your children. No one is safe.