Local Man Vows to Defend what He Assumes Probably Written in US Constitution

Michael Sanderson, 52, of North Carolina, told reporters in an interview earlier this week that he has sworn a vow to hold all local, state, and federal governing bodies to the sacred words he assumes must be written in the United States Constitution. Though he is largely unfamiliar with any of its exact clauses or amendments, he assumes there are several things that must be guaranteed to all citizens, because, as he said, "This is America. This is what we stand for." He told reporters that the constitution almost definitely guarantees Americans the following things:

-Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness

-The right to say whatever you want without consequence, ‘cause this is America, son. I say what I want. And if you don't like it, leave.'

-The right to send people to federal prison for burning or otherwise desecrating the American flag

-The right to catch however many striped bass he damn well pleases, ‘cause the government ain’t have no right to tell me what to do when I'm fishin.'

These four things are most certainly in the constitution, according to Sanderson, and he has sworn to protect and defend these inalienable rights that he’s almost certain must be guaranteed to him as an American.

The Daily News Report reached out to Sanderson in order to ask if he knew of anything else the US Constitution guaranteed him. He responded with, “I ain’t read it yet, but I’m sure those four things I told you are in there. They have to be. This is America.”

The Daily News Report will continue to monitor the situation, and it will be interesting to see whether or not Sanderson learns whether or not his four rights are actually in the constitution.